The Way It's Going To Be

I know how this is going to end. There's only one way it can.

Sure, the sunny Cubs optimist in me wants the Northsiders to clinch the division tomorrow. Despite being swept by the Marlins in a truly embarrassing effort this week, the Cubbies are in a position to do just that. The Magic Number has been reduced to two, so a Cubs win and a Brewers loss tomorrow would mean that it's time for me to go out and buy a new Central Division Champs t-shirt. It would also give meaning to my standing-room-only tickets for Game 3 of the NLDS. (Thanks for the tix, Andrew! I'll name my first-born son after you! Or after Alfonso Soriano...it depends on his postseason batting average.)

But I don't think that's how it's going to end. My inner sunny Cubs optimist is tempered by a hardened 99-freaking-years-since-a-championship realist, who has other ideas about the way the Cubs will win this. The dialogue in my head goes something like this:

Optimist: "The Cubs are going all the way this year!"
Realist: "Yeah, but they just lost three in a row to one of the worst teams in baseball."
Optimist: "I don't care! I know this is The Year!"
Realist: "Bartman!"
Optimist: "Oh.....yeah."

So here's my theory in all it's optimistic-realistic glory:

The Cubs have a history of losing. That's a well-documented fact. So how will they make the playoffs in 2007--the year when they are destined to finally reclaim the World Championship? They'll make the playoffs the only way they know how--by losing. That's right. They are going to lose every game for the rest of the regular season, but the Brewers will also lose two games, thus making the Cubs the reigning champs of the Central Division. The Lovable Losers will win by losing.

They will then waltz through the playoffs in dramatic fashion and wipe clean the slate on a near-century of failure, just in the nick of time. I can't wait!